We often think of kindness as an outward action — something we do for others. It’s the help you offer a friend, a door you open for a stranger, doing volunteer work, etc. Of course these are lovely acts of kindness, but…
Often, acts of kindness are a disguise for seeking acceptance or approval. Sometimes acts of kindness are hiding an ulterior motive of creating a sense of obligation on the other party. Acts of kindness can also be an attempt to fill the void of our own acceptance and approval of ourselves – kindness can be an attempt to offset our own insecurities or lack of self-worth.
The thing is, you can’t give away what you don’t have.
“Being kind to oneself is the start of being kind to others; any other show of kindness is just a show.”
True kindness isn’t just about how we treat others; it’s about how we treat ourselves first. When we are compassionate and loving toward ourselves, we cultivate the internal resources that enable us to extend kindness to others in a genuine way.
When we learn to love and accept ourselves, we stop seeking validation from external sources. We no longer rely on others to fill our own emotional gaps or ulterior motives. And importantly, we release others from any expectations of a payback or obligation.
