I’ve written a lot about who is responsible for making changes in someone’s life because, as a coach, and just in general, I hear people talk about how things that happened to them in childhood have made them the way they are, and that’s it. They will stay that way. It’s not their fault. It’s because of what happened to them, the way they were treated, who did what, who said what, the environment they grew up in, their parents, schooling, etc.
And yes, part of that thinking is true. Someone from the past said or did something that has affected their life up until now. Their environment, parenting, schooling, etc. all of that has contributed to the way they think and behave as adults.
To be clear, anything that happened in childhood is NOT the responsibility of the child. The child is NOT accountable for what someone else did.
However, the part that’s not true is the part about staying the way they are just because of their upbringing and past experiences.
Once we are no longer children and we can see affects left as a result of our upbringing, then we are the ones responsible to do something about it.
If you don’t want to think the way you do because of something that happened to you in the past, then it’s up to you to work out a way to change how you think.
If you don’t want to feel the way you do because of something that happened to you in the past, then it’s up to you to work out a way to change how you feel.
If you don’t want to act the way you do because of something that happened to you in the past, then it’s up to you to work out a way to change how you act.
You cannot wait for others to change for you. You might be waiting a very long time and they may never, ever change. They may never acknowledge or take accountability for their past behaviours.
It may not be easy, and it certainly doesn’t take anyone off the hook. But once you are an adult, it’s up to you to change what you need to change.
It’s your life. You are responsible for how you get to live it.
